Thursday, October 25, 2012

What To Do If You Ever Like Someone

This blog is titled, "What To Do If You Ever Like Someone" because in it I will describe what to do if you ever like someone.

First and foremost, you must find someone to like.  This person could be anywhere--in one of your classes, in your ward, a hottie at the library, even in the mirror...

Think about him frequently.  Timing is everything (since it's all the time anyways).  You can think about him when you're walking to your car, making dinner, or even trying to do homework.  Most importantly, be sure to think about him right before you fall asleep, imagining that you are in fact in a relationship with them.  The best time to think about him is the inconvenient times when your brain is needed the most in other areas of your life.  For example, if your roommate is trying to tell you about her day and ensuing problems or you're trying to study for a test, think about him then.

When you think about him, conjure up the most ridiculously cute scenarios of the perfect date with him, your first kiss with him, his proposal, and the adorable children you'll eventually have together in your perfect home in California by the beach.  The thoughts of possibly being together will be intoxicating, and each daydream will get better.

Additionally, you must nonchalantly bring him up to your roommates in an effort to learn more information about him and discover his dating intentions.  This is the trickiest step.  If not done correctly, one will suspect your intent behind your questions and begin to either a) be careful in what she says or b) start teasing you or c) all of the above.

A critical step: stalk his Facebook page more than you do your own.  Memorize his pictures, the little information he displays in his profile and his Facebook activity.  Depending on the frequency of his picture uploads, this can provide a small comfort in regards to (*thinking*) knowing his current dating activities.

These first few steps establish your love for him.  Congratulations!  You officially like him.

Now for the potential of face-to-face contact instructions.

When you are in his presence, whether it be five feet or fifty-five feet away, steal several discreet glances in his direction, just to make sure he's still there.  This is also to check who he's currently talking to.  Be as casual as continually looking at him allows.  This is difficult.  Do NOT let anyone--especially his friends--see you.  If you by chance meet his eye, quickly divert your eyes, or continue looking in that direction "pretending" to look at something else around him.

If you get the blessed chance to actually talk to him, make the lamest comments you can think of to make him laugh.  Stare at him for longer than is socially acceptable, and grin widely as if you're five years-old on Christmas day.  Be sure to be slightly awkward so you can beat yourself up after your encounter with him.  Lastly, prematurely walk away before the conversation could be over.

After you have completed all of these steps, repeat indefinitely.  Mixing these steps is perfectly fine, as there is no true order.

Great!  That's it.  If you faithfully follow all of these outlined steps, you will stay as single as ever, just like me!

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