Monday, August 5, 2013

How to: Be a Great Customer

ATTENTION: Anyone who ever sets foot in a store needs to read this post.  This includes about 95% of the population, thus signifying a large majority.  The rest of this statistic covers those have/will/can never set foot in a store.


In order to be a good customer, you should:

1)  Learn the language of the country you're in.  For example, if one were to shop in America, he or she would greatly benefit from the ability to speak and understand English for various reasons.

2)  Be smart.  For example, if one were to pull off a women's t-shirt from the front of the store, one wouldn't put it back in the back of the store in the men's jeans section.  "One of these clothing items don't look like the others..."

3)  Learn how to count accurately and quickly.  Usually six is the limit of a dressing room, so go to the room with everything counted out.  Know which ones you want to swap out.

4)  Have integrity.  This means if you're in the dressing room, don't try to hoard more clothes in the room without the attendant looking.  NOT COOL.

5)  Let the people around you do their job.  Don't think you're being all nice because you're putting up your own clothes after you just tried them on...let the people put your dang jeans away because chances are like, one billion percent you're going to put it back in the wrong place or facing the wrong way.

5a) That being said, keep the area around you neat and orderly.  If the shorts you just pulled out to look at aren't fitting the way they were originally, it would be thoughtful to still try to put it back the same way.  For goodness sake, make an effort.

6)  Have mercy on the people who work there.  If they've acquired OCD from working at that job, it's not their fault.  They just really want things to be orderly, okay!?

7)  Be an upstanding person of society.  This means changing your baby's stinky diaper promptly, being kind to your children whilst keeping them from killing each other in front of the cash register, and should you accidentally set your clothes down where clothes are supposed to go back out, don't get angry at the unknowing employees putting away what's in front of them.

8)  Refrain from sticking your gum on the ledges in the dressing rooms.  That's just gross.

9)  Keep things on their hangers, turned right-side out, even when you're done.  When an employee sees you walk out of a dressing room...with half of the hangers empty and the other half on the hangers inside-out..... really!?  All I can say is, are you for reals...?

10)  Treat others kindly.  When the employee opens the dressing room door for you, look her in the eye and say thank-you.  You don't even have to look her in the eye if you can't manage that.  Just make some type of acknowledgement.  K, thanks.

This clearly is a joke.  Sometimes I smile still.

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